0
MAID: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi..
MADAM: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
MAID: Eh.. akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa..
Nagduda na ako!
-- 0 --
DOKTOR: Lolo, I need your urine, stool, and semen sample.
LOLO: Ano daw?
LOLA: Ibigay mo na lang brief mo, nandun na lahat yun!
-- 0 --
FAMOUS LINES:
"biktima din kami ng abortion" - BALOT
"huwag mo akong bilugin" - kulangot
"hindi lahat ng klase ng dugo pwedeng i-donate" - REGLA
"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C" - KILI-KILI
"bakit mo ako binibitin kung kelan kainitan at basang-basa ako" - SINAMPAY
"painitin mo ako..kailangan kong pumutok para ako'yiyong tikman at ikaw'y masarapan" - POPCORN
-- 0 --
PEDRO: Matagal na ako walang sex!
GRO: Kaya pala.. para kang si SPIDERMAN! eh!
PEDRO: (NAGYABANG) malapot bang masyado?
GRO: Hindi! may agiw na ang yagbols mo!
-- 0 --
WHAT MAKES COFFEE SWEET?
Sugar?
Noh!
It's the stirring you do after adding the sugar...
As in life, it's what you do with what you have
that makes it worth living.
-- 0 --
TEXTER IQ QUESTION:
Ano diperensya ng girlfriend, callgirl at asawa?
1. GIRLFRIEND - postpaid.
2. CALLGIRL - prepaid.
3. ASAWA - unlimited.
-- 0 --
To test if the girl is faithful,
put palay in her vagina and wait for 1 week.
Pag naging BIGAS, may BUMAYO.
Pag NAPANIS, KINAMAY.
Pag NAWALA, may KUMAIN.
-- 0 --
JUAN; Tay! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata!
Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!
-- 0 --
WOMEN IN BED..
OPTIMIST: yes! yes!
PESIMIST: no! no!
CONFUSED: yes! no!
ASHMATIC: ahh! ahh!
RELIGIOUS: oh God!
PROPHET: I'm coming!
ATHLETE: faster! faster!
-- 0 --
PULIS: Namukhaan mo ba ang nang rape sayo?
INDAY: Hindi po.
PULIS: Bakit?
INDAY: Kasi po nag 69 kami kaagad..
tapos dog style naman..
di na po kami nagkatinginan!
-- 0 --
Did you know that in Malaysia
the meaning of the word "ARAW" is...
the SEX ORGAN?!
Sana maligaya ang ARAW mo palagi!
-- 0 --
"Tigilan mo ako Bakekang!
hindi ako ang ama mo!"
---- MIKE ENRIQUEZ...
-- 0 --
Paano if one day, sabi ni dok, you need a new nose
or else di ka na makakahinga. Nagpa-opera ka..
Nang matapos, ask mo sino donor?
May inabot na note,
sabi:
"Ingatan mo ang ilong ko..
Love,
MIKE ENRIQUEZ"
-- 0 --
MRS: Honey, bakit ba ang dumi-dumi mo at ang baho pa?
MR: Nakikita mo ba yung imburnal na yun?
MRS: Oo..
MR: Naamoy mo?
MRS: Oo..
MR: Pwes.. ako di ko nakikita at naamoy!
-- 0 --
This is a story about a wife who gave birth to an amazing child..
At birth, the child already talked. His first word was "mama".
Then a day later, the mom died.
On the burial of the mom, the father prayed saying,
"Pls don't say papa." but after a while, the baby said, "papa!"
So the father was expecting to die.
But guess what happened?
The next day, his driver died!!!
-- 0 --
Why is it so hard for a women to find men
who are so sensitive, so caring and so good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends!
-- 0 --
What is the most sensitive part of the body while having sex?
Answer: The EARS...
Because it can easily hear footsteps coming...
-- 0 --
BOY ABUNDA: Mahal, kung ihahambing mo ang iyong sarili
sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
MAHAL: Kachi chimple lang aku eh Ticho Boy..
chiguro chupa.. kachi mahilig chalaga aku cha chupa..
ang chalap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa... hihihi!
-- 0 --
Smile you made it least at but,
you to this sent that fool the
kill to want probabaly might you,
this reading bothered have you after.
CONFUSED?
Read backwards!
-- 0 --
GIRL: Tikman mo tong cake, masarap to, gawa ng nanay ko..
BOY: Pwede bang ikaw na lang tikman ko? tutal gawa ka rin naman ng nanay mo eh.. love you.. mwahh mwahh!
-- 0 --
TEACHER: How important is the period?
PEDRO: Very important Mam, because when my sister said she missed her period, my Dad cried, my Mom fainted and our driver disappeared!
-- 0 --
TOP 10 CONDOM SLOGAN:
1. If you're nude, tube your dude.
2. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
3. Wrap your tool, to catch the drool.
4. Cover your hose, then curl her toes.
5. Cover your stump before you hump.
6. Sex is cleaner, with a packaged wiener.
7. If you think its funky, cover your monkey.
8. Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
9. You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.
10. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
MADAM: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
MAID: Eh.. akala ko po si Sir, pero nung makadalawa..
Nagduda na ako!
-- 0 --
DOKTOR: Lolo, I need your urine, stool, and semen sample.
LOLO: Ano daw?
LOLA: Ibigay mo na lang brief mo, nandun na lahat yun!
-- 0 --
FAMOUS LINES:
"biktima din kami ng abortion" - BALOT
"huwag mo akong bilugin" - kulangot
"hindi lahat ng klase ng dugo pwedeng i-donate" - REGLA
"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C" - KILI-KILI
"bakit mo ako binibitin kung kelan kainitan at basang-basa ako" - SINAMPAY
"painitin mo ako..kailangan kong pumutok para ako'yiyong tikman at ikaw'y masarapan" - POPCORN
-- 0 --
PEDRO: Matagal na ako walang sex!
GRO: Kaya pala.. para kang si SPIDERMAN! eh!
PEDRO: (NAGYABANG) malapot bang masyado?
GRO: Hindi! may agiw na ang yagbols mo!
-- 0 --
WHAT MAKES COFFEE SWEET?
Sugar?
Noh!
It's the stirring you do after adding the sugar...
As in life, it's what you do with what you have
that makes it worth living.
-- 0 --
TEXTER IQ QUESTION:
Ano diperensya ng girlfriend, callgirl at asawa?
1. GIRLFRIEND - postpaid.
2. CALLGIRL - prepaid.
3. ASAWA - unlimited.
-- 0 --
To test if the girl is faithful,
put palay in her vagina and wait for 1 week.
Pag naging BIGAS, may BUMAYO.
Pag NAPANIS, KINAMAY.
Pag NAWALA, may KUMAIN.
-- 0 --
JUAN; Tay! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata!
Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!
-- 0 --
WOMEN IN BED..
OPTIMIST: yes! yes!
PESIMIST: no! no!
CONFUSED: yes! no!
ASHMATIC: ahh! ahh!
RELIGIOUS: oh God!
PROPHET: I'm coming!
ATHLETE: faster! faster!
-- 0 --
PULIS: Namukhaan mo ba ang nang rape sayo?
INDAY: Hindi po.
PULIS: Bakit?
INDAY: Kasi po nag 69 kami kaagad..
tapos dog style naman..
di na po kami nagkatinginan!
-- 0 --
Did you know that in Malaysia
the meaning of the word "ARAW" is...
the SEX ORGAN?!
Sana maligaya ang ARAW mo palagi!
-- 0 --
"Tigilan mo ako Bakekang!
hindi ako ang ama mo!"
---- MIKE ENRIQUEZ...
-- 0 --
Paano if one day, sabi ni dok, you need a new nose
or else di ka na makakahinga. Nagpa-opera ka..
Nang matapos, ask mo sino donor?
May inabot na note,
sabi:
"Ingatan mo ang ilong ko..
Love,
MIKE ENRIQUEZ"
-- 0 --
MRS: Honey, bakit ba ang dumi-dumi mo at ang baho pa?
MR: Nakikita mo ba yung imburnal na yun?
MRS: Oo..
MR: Naamoy mo?
MRS: Oo..
MR: Pwes.. ako di ko nakikita at naamoy!
-- 0 --
This is a story about a wife who gave birth to an amazing child..
At birth, the child already talked. His first word was "mama".
Then a day later, the mom died.
On the burial of the mom, the father prayed saying,
"Pls don't say papa." but after a while, the baby said, "papa!"
So the father was expecting to die.
But guess what happened?
The next day, his driver died!!!
-- 0 --
Why is it so hard for a women to find men
who are so sensitive, so caring and so good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends!
-- 0 --
What is the most sensitive part of the body while having sex?
Answer: The EARS...
Because it can easily hear footsteps coming...
-- 0 --
BOY ABUNDA: Mahal, kung ihahambing mo ang iyong sarili
sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
MAHAL: Kachi chimple lang aku eh Ticho Boy..
chiguro chupa.. kachi mahilig chalaga aku cha chupa..
ang chalap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa... hihihi!
-- 0 --
Smile you made it least at but,
you to this sent that fool the
kill to want probabaly might you,
this reading bothered have you after.
CONFUSED?
Read backwards!
-- 0 --
GIRL: Tikman mo tong cake, masarap to, gawa ng nanay ko..
BOY: Pwede bang ikaw na lang tikman ko? tutal gawa ka rin naman ng nanay mo eh.. love you.. mwahh mwahh!
-- 0 --
TEACHER: How important is the period?
PEDRO: Very important Mam, because when my sister said she missed her period, my Dad cried, my Mom fainted and our driver disappeared!
-- 0 --
TOP 10 CONDOM SLOGAN:
1. If you're nude, tube your dude.
2. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
3. Wrap your tool, to catch the drool.
4. Cover your hose, then curl her toes.
5. Cover your stump before you hump.
6. Sex is cleaner, with a packaged wiener.
7. If you think its funky, cover your monkey.
8. Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
9. You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.
10. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
