Two gays were looking at Travel Brochures at a Travel Agency.
One of them said: "Lets try Greece this year."
The other answered: "Why?What's wrong with Vaseline?"
-- 0 --
WIFE: Do you have any idea what would happen to you if I die?
HUSBAND: I might die also.
WIFE: (blushes) Why?
HUSBAND: Sometimes, too much happiness causes death..
-- 0 --
MGA URI NG ITLOG NG LALAKE:
Binatilyo- Fresh egg
Binata- Hard boiled
Bagong Kasal- Sunny side-up
Matagal ng Kasal- Balot
Matandang Binata- Itlog na maalat
Lolo- Century Egg
-- 0 --
TYPE OF KISSER WHICH DESCRIBE THEIR ACTION:
BOTTLE - expert
GLASS - sweet
CAN - super maniac
CUP - good kisser
HAND - aggressive
STRAW - not contented
-- 0 --
INSPIRATIONAL MOVEMENT:
"Walang malayong kulangot
sa mahahabang kuko!"
-- 0 --
BREAST RELATED NAME:
SUSAN- suso nasa tiyan
SUZETTE- suso maliit
DOLOR- dodo nasa floor
JOBEL- joga hanggang bilbil
DEBORRAH- dede walang bra
ULA- utong lang..
-- 0 --
SONGS OF MARRIED COUPLES:
1st night- ARAY NAKU!
1 to 5 years- ARAW-ARAW GABI-GABI.
6-15 years - PAMINSAN-MINSAN.
16-25 years- SANA KAHIT MINSAN.
26- 49 years- GAANO KADALAS ANG MINSAN.
50 years up - MAALA-ALA MO PA KAYA.
-- 0 --
Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Inay,
"Kapag yang mantsa hindi natanggal,
magdasal ka na!"
Kay Inay natuto ako ng LOGIC:
"Kaya ganyan yan, dahil sinabi ko!"
At natuto pa ako ng MORE LOGIC:
"Kapag ikaw nalaglag dyan sa bubong,
Ako lang mag-isa magjo-Jolibee."
Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin ng IRONY:
"Sige ngumal-ngal ka pa at
bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"
Si Inay din ang nagpaliwanag sa akin ng CONTORTIONISM:
"Tignan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tignan mo!!"
-- 0 --
MISIS: Inday, napansin ko ang barong ni Sir mo,
lagi na lang may lipstik!
MAID: Opo ng Mam, mukhang niloloko na TAYO ni Sir ah!
-- 0 --
MISIS: Inday, ayokong pinapakialaman mo
ang condom namin ng Sir mo ha!!
INDAY: Mam, wag po kayong magbibintang!
Di kami sanay gumamit ni Sir nyan!
Sobra naman kayo!!!
-- 0 --
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
"VIRGINITY is not DIGNITY.
It's just a lack of opportunity!"
- by William Sexfear..
-- 0 --
It's early Sunday morning,
After a man and a woman had sex.
MAN: Honey, I have to go.
WOMAN: Bakit Hon? Ayaw mo na ba sa akin?
MAN; Hindi...
WOMAN: Eh bakit?
MAN: Magmimisa pa ako!
-- 0 --
"Special ka sa akin kaya ayaw kong makitang nasasaktan ka..
kaya pag nakita akong may Lamok sa iyong leeg...
tatagain ko! Tandaan mo yan..."
-- 0 --
Miriam Santiago is the model of a watch
to be made jointly by Japan's Seiko and
French's Patek Philippe.
The brand name of the watch is "SEIKOPATEK".
-- 0 --
MAN#1: How many times do you save everyday?
MAN#2: More than 20 times...
MAN#1: What?? Are you crazy?
MAN#2: No, I'm a barber.
-- 0 --
PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
JUAN: Pata!
PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento!
-- 0 --
JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may asin sa dagat?
ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda..
-- 0 --
ADIK: Doc, grabe yung panaginip ko gabi gabi,
kasi lagi daw ako nanunuod ng basketball.
DOCTOR: sige halika may gamot ako para dyan.
ADIK: Wag muna dok, championship game na mamaya eh!
-- 0 --
What is the secret of success?
"Right Decisions"
How do you make right decisions?
"Experience"
How do you get experience?
"Wrong Decisions"
-- 0 --
(Sa Classroom)
JUAN: Ma'am, si Pedro naniniko.
TITSER: Pedro! Alam mo ba na masakit ang maniko!
STUDENTS: Yeheey! Walang pasok na ngayon,
masakit na ang MANI ni Mam!
-- 0 --
MISIS: Tapatin mo nga ako!
Bakit nasa ilalim ng unan mo ang bra ni Inday?
MISTER: Aba ewan ko! Baka may relasyon sila
ng driver natin! kasi nakita ko ang brief
nya sa ilalim ng unan mo!
-- 0 --
TATAY: "Pesteng buhay toh!
merong kaldero, walang biGAS!
merong lampara, walang GAS!
merong gripo, walang taGAS!
dagdagan pa ng asawang walang huGAS huGAS!
paano pa titiGAS!!"
-- 0 --
Sexy Lady complains to doctor: "I think my boobs are full of water."
Doctor: "How do you figure that?"
Sexy Lady: "Everytime a guy squeezes them, my pussy get gets wet!"
-- 0 --
Heard about AFRICAN ROULETTE?
Ten nude and sexy lady dancers.
dances around you and one by one
will give you a blow job!
The only thing is one of them
is a CANNIBAL!
-- 0 --
BIRTH MONTHS AND THEIR MEANINGS:
JANUARY - seloso at malikot sa kama
FEBRUARY - masarap mahalin at moody
MARCH - sweet at may konting ma arte
APRIL - pasaway, makulit at mayabang
MAY - honest, nangangaliwa at may pagka-el
JUNE - lover, user, at playgirl o playboy
JULY - stick to one! tama lang
AUGUST - mahilig sa sex
SEPTEMBER - takot magmahal at masaktan, simpleng malibog
OCTOBER - hindi kuntento sa isa, totoo...
NOVEMBER - serious, sweet, lover at intelligent
DECEMBER - mapagmahal at sobrang libog
Tama ba yung sa iyo?
-- 0 --
AMO: kelan lang tayo bumili ng toothpick,
bakit naubos agad?
MAID: ewan ko po mam, kapag ako po ang
gumamit sinosoli ko naman ah!
-- 0 --
THE MOST FORTUNATE SON:
Three dads were talking about their son..
DAD#1: "My son is a successful Banker,
recently, he gave his bestfriend P3 million."
DAD#2: "My son is a successful Engineer,
recently he gave his bestfriend a house and lot."
DAD#3: "My son owns a airline company,
recently he gave his bestfriend a jet."
DAD#4 came out from the CR and the three dads
asked him about his son.
DAD#4: "My son is a macho dancer at the gay bar,
even if he is like that, I love him..
In fact, during his birthday last week,
He received P3 million, house and lot,
and a jet from his suitors.."
-- 0 --
A new WIFE has three(3) qualities:
ECONOMIST in kitchen,
ARTIST at home,
DEVIL in bed...
After a few years, SHE is:
ARTIST in kitchen,
DEVIL at home,
ECONOMIST in bed...
-- 0 --
A young man ask an old man.
"Sir, what is retirement?"
Old man: "Retirement is when you are
replaced by a computer at work and
a vibrator at home.."
-- 0 --
GIRL#1: Buy a nice dress para pnsinin ka ng mga boys.
GIRL#2: Ako Ok lang, kahit wala akong damit.
GIRL#1:Hay naku! Kapag nude ka, walang titingin sa mukha mo!
-- 0 --
MISTER: (naglalambing, kissing wife's shoulder)
Hon, sigi naaaa...
MISIS: (naiirita) Bumabagyo!
MISTER: Ayaw mo yun, eh malamig? Sigii naaa...
MISIS: Ano ka ba, tanga? Di ka na nahiya!
Ang daming tao dito sa evacuation center!
-- 0 --
LABOR LAW:
Does the penis deserve
overtime and hazard pay?
YES! because...
it works in a deep,
hot and smelly tunnels,
often head down and
mostlyat night shift!
-- 0 --
TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
BOY#1: Naglaba mam!
TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
BOY#2: Naglalaba!
TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?
BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!
