You shouldn’t stop fighting.
It’s common knowledge that fighting isn’t the number one recommendation for the longevity of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should nix the practice entirely.
If no one’s told you this yet, allow me: Fighting in any relationship is healthy. You need to fight – about the things that are important to you, the things that matter to you, the deal-breakers you can’t ignore, the comments you can’t get past – fighting is just as important as not fighting.
And while it’s obviously important to make up, fighting lets you know that there’s still work to do. No one enters a relationship as a perfect person, and no one leaves that way, either – but in the nitty gritty, in the middle, that’s where the work takes place. That’s where the fights matter.
You shouldn’t stop sleeping alone.
Obviously, it’s harder to sleep separately when you and your partner are living together, but if you have the luxury of living separately, don’t forget to sit back, press snooze and enjoy it. A big, empty bed is refreshing. It’s nice to fall asleep when you want, not worrying about sharing covers, sharing pillows or fighting for elbow room.
It’s nice to crawl into a spacious bed and snuggle against the quiet. It’s revitalizing. It makes you appreciate the nights you spend lying next to someone all the more sweet.
You should recognize that talking won’t always solve everything.
Words are the gatekeepers. They matter. They have the power to bring everything together while simultaneously tearing everything apart. So, yes, of course it’s important to talk it out, but even more valuable are those moments when you know that words won’t work – at least not right away.
You shouldn’t stop drinking alone.
Some of my favorite times are those nights I’ve crawled between the sheets and only found solace in a bottle of wine and an endless showing of “Grey’s Anatomy” or “The Office.” It’s like taking a Mental Health Day from your relationship without feeling guilty of missing something important.
I laughed and cried until my heart was content and I didn’t have to share the remote – or the bottle – with anyone.
You should know you don’t always have to “give in.”
Giving in doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes, it’s the very thing that makes you stronger. That doesn’t make it a ready-remedy for everything that flares up in your relationship. Compromise is necessary, it’s the tender balance that relationships sit on. Everyone gives, everyone takes.
Not every instance calls for giving in, though. You can – and should – be a hard-ass about the things that mean the most to you. If you believe in it strongly enough, and there’s enough conviction behind it, then you shouldn’t give in. It shouldn’t be your immediate go-to.
You shouldn’t stop ditching your partner for date nights with you girlfriends.
Every girl and every guy will admit that the friends circle you cultivate outside of your relationship is the backbone of every good relationship. The time you spend together with the people who knew you before you belonged to another is vital. It’ll keep you alive, keep you grounded, keep you going.
These people know you and love you anyway.
You shouldn’t stop competing.
Your partner should push you to be the best version of yourself. Your partner should make you work harder, and work longer than you’re used to. Your partner should be pushing you outside of your comfort zone, lovingly, of course. And with all that support, it’s important to be competitive with each other.
Too much competition could be the thread that unravels the wool, but that doesn’t mean a healthy dose of competitive energy will result in the death sentence of your relationship.
