- Thread Starter
- #1
Greetings, Earthling! Mabuhay! I'm from Planet Mars — yes, the red one.I came in peace… and maybe for the food. Officially, I’m here on a secret mission to search for intelligent life. Unofficially? I crash-landed in the Philippines — and I might just stay forever.So far, I’ve discovered a lot: First — adobo. Glorious, saucy adobo. Then came isaw, kwek-kwek, and fishball with mystery sauce. I still don’t know what’s in it — but my Martian DNA approves.Then there’s Jollibee — that sacred place. On Mars, we don’t have Chickenjoy, halo-halo, or sweet spaghetti. We barely have flavor. I used to be cold, dusty, and emotionally detached... until I saw my first Jollibee Valentine’s commercial. Now I cry over spaghetti. What have you done to me?Adapting has been wild. I still haven’t figured out how to ride a jeepney without hitting my head, but I’m learning. I wear tsinelas, carry a pamaypay, and melt like ice cream every time I walk through Divisoria.Back home, we breathe CO₂. Here, I breathe in smog, street food, and karaoke dreams. I'm adjusting — slowly. I glow in the dark (only on Tuesdays), speak 3.5 million alien dialects, and no — please don’t look under my hat. Definitely no antennae there. I've survived my first Manila traffic jam. It took me 3 hours to go 3 kilometers. I could’ve circled my entire planet twice in that time.I now measure time in rice meals and base my emotions on whether there’s a brownout during merienda. I even mistook halo-halo for a weather experiment. Spoiler: it was delicious.I’ve picked up a few local survival skills too: Surviving karaoke battles without knowing the lyrics, Smiling and nodding at Tagalog idioms I don’t understand and Saying “opo” to literally everything (I think I agreed to adopt a goat once) . Since arriving, I’ve made tons of Filipino friends, started calling everyone ‘bes’, joined fiestas uninvited, and casually reply ‘who u?’ to mystery messages. Honestly? I feel right at home.
Let’s be friends... before Elon tries to send me back.
Let’s be friends... before Elon tries to send me back.