H
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It was just a little get together.
Short people are oppressed.
They’re always getting overlooked.
I asked a dwarf to lend me 5 dollars yesterday.
He said, “Sorry, I’m a little short.”
My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.
So tonight I’m going to make it up to her.
I’ve got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.
When she gets in from work I’m going to order her favorite takeaway which we’ll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.
Then afterwards I’m going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.
I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low.
Why do short people have a hard time raising a family?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.
I raised the alarm at work today.
The midgets were furious.
Why do midgets always laugh when they play soccer?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I met a couple of really short people today.
They were really down-to-earth guys.
What do you call a poor midget?
Short changed.
Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail?
He’s a small medium who’s at large.
Why shouldn’t you hire short people as chefs?
Because the steaks are too high.
These two midgets were sat there bored one day.
Then one of them said to the other, “Let’s smoke some weed and get medium.”
My friend who’s really short got stoned last night.
He could finally hold his head up high.
Appreciate the little things.
Give a short person a hug.
Say what you like about midgets, at least they don’t look down on people.
Hire cars are no good for short people.
Why do midgets get mad easily?
Because they’ve got short tempers.
You’ve got to hand it to short people…
Well they can’t reach for themselves, can they?
What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?
Very little.
I met this really short baker called Peter the other day.
He was telling me all about baking flatbreads.
It was fascinating.
I love the Pita patter of tiny Pete.
There’s only one group in society that I look down on…
Midgets.
I tried to go into a midget nightclub last night.
The bouncer stopped me on the door and said I couldn’t go in.
I asked, “Why not?”
He said, “Because you’re not on the shortlist.”
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well which one are you then?”
I played a round of miniature golf with my really short friend yesterday.
Or as he called it, golf.
Midget flag bearers have incredibly low standards.
I saw a really short guy walking to catch a bus today.
When he saw it coming down the road he broke into a jog.
It was getting closer and he still wasn’t at the bus stop so started sprinting but it drove off before he got there.
It was too little too late.
I bumped into an old midget friend of mine yesterday.
Small world.
Two midgets walk into a mini-bar…
Make the little things count…
Teach math to midgets.
I saw a midget nun today.
All I could think was, “Oh ye of little faith.”
The key to writing midget jokes is keeping them short.
It’s too bad things didn’t work out between my midget girlfriend and me.
I was just nuts over her.
“Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my really short neighbor who was sat at the bus stop.
“Get lost!” he said.
I said, “Ok, suit yourself,” as I straightened up my rucksack and carried on with my walk.
Why don’t midgets use tampons?
Because they keep tripping over the string.
My friend is really sensitive about his lack of height.
It’s best not to tease him about though, or he’ll punch you in the knee.
My wife came home today and told me a dwarf had touched her breast.
I think someone put him up to it.
I was directing a stage version of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”.
Just before the show was about to start, the back-up dwarf ran over and said, “Steve has pulled out of the show. I’m sorry, it’s my fault. We had a fight.”
I said, “Well I hope you’re Happy now.”
I’ve just seen a dwarf buying a packet of water balloons.
Someone’s getting lucky tonight.
Short people are oppressed.
They’re always getting overlooked.
I asked a dwarf to lend me 5 dollars yesterday.
He said, “Sorry, I’m a little short.”
My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.
So tonight I’m going to make it up to her.
I’ve got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.
When she gets in from work I’m going to order her favorite takeaway which we’ll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.
Then afterwards I’m going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.
I don’t know how anyone could stoop so low.
Why do short people have a hard time raising a family?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.
I raised the alarm at work today.
The midgets were furious.
Why do midgets always laugh when they play soccer?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I met a couple of really short people today.
They were really down-to-earth guys.
What do you call a poor midget?
Short changed.
Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail?
He’s a small medium who’s at large.
Why shouldn’t you hire short people as chefs?
Because the steaks are too high.
These two midgets were sat there bored one day.
Then one of them said to the other, “Let’s smoke some weed and get medium.”
My friend who’s really short got stoned last night.
He could finally hold his head up high.
Appreciate the little things.
Give a short person a hug.
Say what you like about midgets, at least they don’t look down on people.
Hire cars are no good for short people.
Why do midgets get mad easily?
Because they’ve got short tempers.
You’ve got to hand it to short people…
Well they can’t reach for themselves, can they?
What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?
Very little.
I met this really short baker called Peter the other day.
He was telling me all about baking flatbreads.
It was fascinating.
I love the Pita patter of tiny Pete.
There’s only one group in society that I look down on…
Midgets.
I tried to go into a midget nightclub last night.
The bouncer stopped me on the door and said I couldn’t go in.
I asked, “Why not?”
He said, “Because you’re not on the shortlist.”
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well which one are you then?”
I played a round of miniature golf with my really short friend yesterday.
Or as he called it, golf.
Midget flag bearers have incredibly low standards.
I saw a really short guy walking to catch a bus today.
When he saw it coming down the road he broke into a jog.
It was getting closer and he still wasn’t at the bus stop so started sprinting but it drove off before he got there.
It was too little too late.
I bumped into an old midget friend of mine yesterday.
Small world.
Two midgets walk into a mini-bar…
Make the little things count…
Teach math to midgets.
I saw a midget nun today.
All I could think was, “Oh ye of little faith.”
The key to writing midget jokes is keeping them short.
It’s too bad things didn’t work out between my midget girlfriend and me.
I was just nuts over her.
“Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my really short neighbor who was sat at the bus stop.
“Get lost!” he said.
I said, “Ok, suit yourself,” as I straightened up my rucksack and carried on with my walk.
Why don’t midgets use tampons?
Because they keep tripping over the string.
My friend is really sensitive about his lack of height.
It’s best not to tease him about though, or he’ll punch you in the knee.
My wife came home today and told me a dwarf had touched her breast.
I think someone put him up to it.
I was directing a stage version of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”.
Just before the show was about to start, the back-up dwarf ran over and said, “Steve has pulled out of the show. I’m sorry, it’s my fault. We had a fight.”
I said, “Well I hope you’re Happy now.”
I’ve just seen a dwarf buying a packet of water balloons.
Someone’s getting lucky tonight.
